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• Aristodemus, a friend of Antigonus, supposed to be a cook's son, advised him to moderate his gifts and expenses.
  Thy words," said he, "Aristodemus, smell of the apron." -- Plutarch (46-120 AD) -- Antigonus I...
• When Hermodotus in his poems described Antigonus as the son of Helios, "My valet-de-chambre," said he, "is not aware of this.
  -- Plutarch (46-120 AD) -- Of Isis and Osiri...
• Antagoras the poet was boiling a conger, and Antigonu
  coming behind him as he was stirring his skillet, said, "Do you think, Antagoras, that Homer boiled congers when he wrote the deeds of Agamemnon?...
• I was walking across a bridge one day, and i saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off.
  o i ran over and said "stop! don't do it!" "Why shouldn't I?...
• The saying of old Antigonus, who when he was to fight at Andros, and one told him, "The enemy's ships are more than ours," replied, "For how many then wilt thou reckon me?
  -- Plutarch (46-120 AD) -- Life of Pelopida...
• Marge: You know, your father wanted to be a policeman for a little while, but they said he was too heavy.
  Homer: No, the Army said I was too heavy. The police said I was too dumb....
• A traveller at Sparta, standing long upon one leg, said to a Lacedaemonian, "I do not believe you can do as much.
  True," said he, "but every goose can." -- Plutarch (46-120 AD) -- Remarkable Speeche...
• I said, "Preacher, give me strength for round 5." He said,"What you need is to grow up, son.
  I said,"Growin' up leads to growin' old, And then to dying, and to me that don't sound like much fun....
• I have a box of telephone rings under my bed. Whenever I get lonely, I open it up a little bit, and I get a phone call.
  One day I dropped the box all over the floor. The phone wouldn't stop ringing....