Related:

• We would like to appeal to all parents who own ferocious dogs - please think before leaving the dog near the baby.
  Wouldn't it be better to leave the baby outside the house?...
• INSECTICIDE Insecticide is a wondrous substance used to kill poor little innocent insects, whose only fault is that they like crapping in your food, nibbling on your skin, and buzzing around.
  But why use conventional insecticide when you can use DDT?...
• bug n. An unwanted and unintended property of a program or piece of hardware, esp.
  one that causes it to malfunction. Antonym of feature....
• University lecturers are people who have a profound influence on our society.
  They are people with a message; a message that the world should listen to....
• The man with the biggest feet in the world, Irish-bo
  Italian-raised Giovanni O'Shamus caused an upset at Wimbledon during the week, when h stepped on his opponent in the first round of the Men's Singles....
• KETTLE Device designed to heat up water, whistle just too quietly for you to hear when it's finished, boil dry, explode and burn your house down.
  -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA...
• WAR I think Frankie Goes To Hollywood had it right.
  Put the leaders - the actual people who've insulted each others' grandmothers or whatever - in the ring, and let them beat the shit out of each other....
• URCHIN Descriptive of a mischievous child, especially a boy, who has not destroyed any of your property.
  An urchin who *has* destroyed some of your property is more properly known as a "little bastard that I'm gonna lynch if I get my hands on him....
• VALENTINE'S DAY The 14th of February. Every year on this day, any men who have forgotten the significance of the day report to casualty wards with their testicles in a small bag in their pocket.
  -- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA...