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• I am in total control, but please don't tell my wife.
• I am in total control, but don't tell my life.
• I am in total control, but don't tell my cat.
• I am in total control, but don't tell my husband.
• Love is never jealous or envious. Tell THAT to my wife!
• Here lies my wife: her let her lie! Now she's at rest, and so am I.
  -- John Dryden, epitaph intended for his wife...
• If I don't know your name, how am I supposed to tell my diary about you?
• I think my wife may be getting somewhat overweight.
  "Oh, how can you tell?" "Well, last night when she sat on my face, I couldn't hear the stereo....
• B: Well, I'll tell you. I just got myself a paramour.
  A: A paramour??? At your age??? B: Sure. Why not at my age?...