Related:

• Try to appreciate sex with your knees tied together.
  (This may be slightly more challenging if you are female....
• Forget about the question of just who wears the trousers in your household.
  -- More things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid....
• If you dye your hair, don't use water-soluble dyes.
  It is hell trying to get the colour out of your eyebrows....
• Trade in your Harley-Davidson for a motor scooter. That way you won't have to make a choice about whether you get to change gears, or use the brakes.
  -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid....
• Ask your cosmetics company if they have any make-up that is waterproof and not tested on laboratory fish.
  -- More things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid....
• Buy a goldfish bowl and fill it up. Stick your head in it for practice.
  The goldfish are optional. -- More things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid....
• Experiment with new ways to visit the toilet. Whatever you're doing now, it's not going to work.
  -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid....
• Sell your mountain-side chalet. You never used it much anyway.
  -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid....
• Drink like a fish. Try to get legless. -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid.