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• Leonard Box was arrested yesterday. Somebody told him his wife was as pretty as a picture, so he hung her on the wall.
  -- Charley Weaver (Cliff Arquette)...
• There's simply no other way for a man to feel his manliness, his knigliness if you will, than to be loved by a beautiful woman.
• LITIGANT, n. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• When the music business changed so drastically in the late sixties and rock began happening in such a big way, I went to Count Basie and said, "It's a complete takeover.
  What should I do?" Basie waited a beat, looked up at me with those big eyes of his, and said, "Why change an apple?...
• When you see someone across the room and suddenly know for a fact that he's the most wonderful man on earth, you've got instant lust on your hands.
  Something about the way his tie is knotted is infinitely intriguing to you, and the swell of his bicep causes inner turmoil....
• The bed is split up to the skin. Misfortune.
• A drunk tried several times to navigate a revolving door, but finally gave up in disgust.
  He wandered over to lean against a nearby lamppost....
• On his way back from work, a driver came upon a horrible wreck in which one car looked exactly like his neighbor's.
  Stopping hurriedly on the side of the road, he ran toward the smoldering debris....
• There's more than one way to skin a ca