Related:

• Try to appreciate sex with your knees tied together.
  (This may be slightly more challenging if you are female....
• Discover that you *can* eat seaweed. -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid.
• Don't become a concert pianist. They use the soft pedal as *well* as the damper.
  Be thankful you never liked organs, because you don't stand a chance....
• Tear out all but the first thirty or so pages of _The Joy of Sex_.
  Believe me, all those advanced positions are just not going to be possible....
• Sell your mountain-side chalet. You never used it much anyway.
  -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid....
• Accuse fun-run organisers of discrimination. -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid.
• Act like a cartoon character. Most of your companions will be.
  -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid....
• Buy your chiropodist a farewell present. -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid.
• Donate your shoe collection to Imelda Marcos. -- Forty-two things to do as preparation for life as a mermaid.