Related:

• My sister's asthmatic. In the middle of an asthma attack she got an obscene phone call.
  The guy said, "Did I call you or did you call me?" -- John Mendoza...
• This morning I caught my wife in a lie ... I'm sitting there in the kitchen, having some coffee, biscuits, some jelly.
  About eleven-thirty my old lady came in, and her wig was amuss....
• That wife of mine is a liar," said the angry husband to a sympathetic pal seated next to him in a bar.
  "How do you know?" the friend asked. "She didn't come home last night, and when I asked her where she'd been she said she'd spent the night with her sister Shirley....
• My wife says I never listen to her. At least I think that's what she said.
• I was out in the backyard one beautiful day. I said to my mother, "Mama, why don't I have no sister or no brother?
  She said, "Go away, go play, don't worry your mother, dear....
• While I, with my usual enthusiasm, Was exploring in Ermintrude's busiasm, She explained, "They are flat, But think nothing of that -- You will find that my sweet sister Susiasm.
• o the tune of the Colonel Bogey March] Lisa, her teeth are big and green.
  Lisa, she smells like gasoline. Lisa, da da da Disa....
• Lisa: [shielding her eyes from the light; wobbly] What's happening?
  Where am I?? Helen: And she's on drugs!...