Related:

• Inadmissible: Not competent to be considered. Said of certain kinds of testimony which juries are supposed to be unfit to be entrusted with
  and which judges, therefore, rule out, even of proceedings before themselves alone....
• INTRODUCTION, n. A social ceremony invented by the devil for the gratification of his servants and the plaguing of his enemies.
  The introduction attains its most malevolent development in this century, being, indeed, closely related to our political system....
• FIB, n. A lie that has not cut its teeth. An habitual liar's nearest approach to truth
  he perigee of his eccentric orbit. When David said...
• TIGHTS, n. An habiliment of the stage designed to reinforce the general acclamation of the press agent with a particular publicity.
  Public attention was once somewhat diverted from this garment to Miss Lillian Russell's refusal to wear it, and many were the conjectures as to her motive, the guess of Miss Pauline Hall showing a high order of ingenuity and sustained reflection....
• WHEAT, n. A cereal from which a tolerably good whisky can with some difficulty be made, and which is used also for bread.
  The French are said to eat more bread _per capita_ of population than any other people, which is natural, for only they know how to make the stuff palatable....
• RICE-WATER, n. A mystic beverage secretly used by our most popular novelists and poets to regulate the imagination and narcotize the conscience.
  It is said to be rich in both obtundite and lethargine, and is brewed in a midnight fog by a fat which of the Dismal Swamp....
• ASS, n. A public singer with a good voice but no ear.
  In Virginia City, Nevada, he is called the Washoe Canary, in Dakota, the Senator, and everywhere the Donkey....
• NOSE, n. The extreme outpost of the face. From the circumstance that great conquerors have great noses, Getius, whose writings antedate the age of humor, calls the nose the organ of quell.
  It has been observed that one's nose is never so happy as when thrust into the affairs of others, from which some physiologists have drawn the inference that the nose is devoid of the sense of smell....
• LL.D. Letters indicating the degree _Legumptionorum Doctor_, one learned in laws, gifted with legal gumption.
  Some suspicion is cast upon this derivation by the fact that the title was formerly _LL....