Related:

• You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60.
  She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is. -- Ellen DeGeneri...
• Barlow: So, my friends, let's just junk those Dumbocrats and their bleeding-heart smellfare program.
  Lisa: Dad, I had to listen to this jerk all morning....
• Listen to my heart beat!
• She poured sugar in the gastank of my heart!
• Against Idleness and Mischief How doth the little busy bee How skillfully she builds her cell!
  Improve each shining hour, How neat she spreads the wax!...
• There once was a king who ruled his country long, wisely, and well.
  The king had a son whom he hoped would someday rule the land....
• A woman was married to a golfer. One day she asked, "If I were to die, would you remarry?
  After some thought, the man replied, "Yes, I've been very happy in this marriage and I would want to be this happy again....
• She was asking her insurance agent: 'If I were to take out a $
  250,000 insurance policy on my husband and he should die the next day, what would I get?...
• Here's a letter from Mrs. Jerome Whatsis from West Jesus, North Dakota.
  She says, "Dear Sir: I don't know what I would do without satire....