Related:

• Two mortuaries have closed recently, due to (oh, sorry about this, really I am) the stiff competition!
• I am the smell that makes sardines nauseous.
• Homer: [into bullhorn] Marge, Marge! Marge: Homer? Home
  Look Marge, I'm sorry I haven't been a better husband....
• I should never have switched from Scotch to Martinis." --Humphrey Bogart, actor, 1899-1957
• I should never have switched from Scotch to Martinis.
  ~~ Humphrey Bogart, actor, d. January 14, 1957...
• Homer: [thinking] Oh, I thought this thing was going to be catered.
  Boy, am I hungry. I mean, I'm really, really, hungry....
• Fish are said to have good eyesight, but many breeds are hard of herring.
  ( Apologies on this one, all around, of course!)...
• Homer: Aw, I need a hug. [everyone pauses, then hugs him] How come you guys hesitated?
  Lisa: Sorry, Dad, we _do_ believe in you, we really do....
• Oh! I wish you could see the look on his face! Actually, I would have also liked to see the look on his face, but just then I woke up from the dream.
  "The Enemy and how I Helped to Fight It" Shlomi Fish...