Related:

• Yeah, I was ugly, my mother breastfed me through a straw.
• When I was growing up my mother kept telling me we're just friends.
  I tell ya I was an ugly kid. I was so ugly that my Dad kept the kid's picture that came with the wallet he bought....
• I tell ya, I was an ugly kid. I was so ugly that my dad kept the kid's picture that came with the wallet he bought.
  -- Rodney Dangerfield...
• She was ugly! She was known as a two-bagger. That's a girl who's so ugly, when you go out with her you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head breaks.
  She was so ugly, you look in the dictionary under "ugly" and you see her picture....
• My Mom always told me that sex was a dirty, ugly, horrible thing that I was only to do with someone I loved.
• Oh gracious, why wasn't I born old and ugly? -- Dicke
• My best friend at home was a fellow named Sappo. He's my best friend in the world but he's ugly.
  When he was born the doctor slapped his mother. She used to have morning sickness after he was born....
• My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life.
  I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. -- Milton Berlele...
• As I awoke this morning, When all things sweet are born, A robin perched upon my sill To hail a happy morn.
  He looked so young and fragile, So sweetly did he sing, That thoughts of joy and happiness Into my heart did spring....