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• O Lady, he is dead and gone! Lady, he 's dead and gone!
  And at his head a green grass turfe, And at his heels a stone....
• He that would not when he might, He shall not when he wolda.
  -- Thomas Percy (1728-1811) -- The Friar of Orders Gray...
• Weep no more, lady, weep no more, Thy sorrowe is in vaine
  For violets pluckt, the sweetest showers Will ne'er make grow againe....
• A woman went into a hospital one day to give birth.
  Afterwards, the doctor came to her and said, "I have some....
• My whole life has been a tissue of whoppers. I consider myself to be one of England's finest liers.
  ..Oh, my God, Percy, a giant humming- bird is about to eat your hat and cloak!...
• How many country & western singers -- does it take to change a light bulb?
  Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love she is with the new one, and one to go "Yeeeee-Hah !...
• Lampshade Love" Oh Lampshade! How you soften light.
  Protecting my eyes from blinding light. You shift the light on this and that....
• One morn I miss'd him on the custom'd hill, Along the heath, and near his fav'rite tree
  Another came; nor yet beside the rill, Nor up the lawn, nor at the wood was he....
• To each his suff'rings; all are men, Condemn'd alike to groan,-- The tender for another's pain, Th' unfeeling for his own.
  Yet ah! why should they know their fate, Since sorrow never comes too late, And happiness too swiftly flies?...