Related:

• A friend is something you earn.
• May you learn to perform miracles: earn a living and marry off your daughters.
• Yo momma so clumsy she got tangled up in a cordless phone.
• Someone set us up the bomb.
• Women have babies and men provide the support. If you don't like the way we're made you've got to take it up with God.
• Take a straw and throw it up into the air,--you may see by that which way the wind is.
  -- John Selden (1584-1654) -- Libel...
• The odds against there being a bomb on a plane are a million to one, and against two bombs a million times a million to one.
  Next time you fly, cut the odds and take a bomb. -- Benny Hill...
• You should all JUMP UP AND DOWN for TWO HOURS while I decide on a NEW CAREER!
  ! -- Zippy the Pinhead...
• Some of you may discover a wonderful vocation you never even imagined.
  Others may find out that life isn't fair... [turning bitter] in spite of your Masters from Bryn Mawr, you might end up a glorified babysitter to a bunch of dead-eyed fourth-graders while your husband runs naked on a beach with your marriage counselor!...