Related:

• LIVER, n. A large red organ thoughtfully provided by nature to be bilious with.
  The sentiments and emotions which every literary anatomist now knows to haunt the heart were anciently believed to infest the live...
• APPETITE, n. An instinct thoughtfully implanted by Providence as a solution to the labor question.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• Grammar, n. A system of pitfalls thoughtfully prepared for the feet for the self-made man, along the path by which he advances to distinction.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• RADIUM, n. A mineral that gives off heat and stimulates the organ that a scientist is a fool with.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• RED-SKIN, n. A North American Indian, whose skin is not red -- at least not on the outside.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• CAT, n. A soft, indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle.
  This is a dog, This is a cat. This is a frog, This is a rat....
• PHRENOLOGY, n. The science of picking the pocket through the scalp.
  It consists in locating and exploiting the organ that one is a dupe with....
• Cabbage, n.: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...