Related:

• Marge: You've worked hard at the bowling alley. Why don't you ask for a raise?
  Homer: Yeah, a raise. I've never been good enough at any job to deserve one before, but I'm damn good at this one....
• How many first-time computer users -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
  One, but it takes him three hours and two phone calls to the electrician before he realizes he forgot to turn the switch on....
• Homer: That Timmy is a real hero! Lisa: How do you mean, Dad?
  Homer: Well, he fell down a well, and... he can't get out....
• How many schizophreniacs -- does it take to change a light bulb?
  Well, he thinks it's five but as we all now it's only him, so......
• How many Purdue engineering students -- does it take to change a light bulb?
  One, and he gets three credit-hours for it....
• Q: How many college football players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
  A: Only one, but he gets three credits for it....
• How many cops -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
  Just one, but he is never around when you need him....
• How many Harvard/Oxford students -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
  Just one. He grabs the bulb and waits for the world to revolve around him....
• Q: How many Harvard MBA's does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
  A: Just one. He grasps it firmly and the universe revolves around him....