Related:

• Internet n. The mother of all networks. First incarnated beginning in 1969 as the ARPANET, a U.
  S. Department of Defense research testbed. Though it has been widely believed that the goal was to develop a network architecture for military command-and-control that could survive disruptions up to and including nuclear war, this is a myth...
• Homer: Er, I need another extension on my mortgage payments.
  Manager: I understand that Mr. Simpson, but according to our computer, your credit history is not good....
• These are actually chunks of lung itself being coughed up.
  I don't understand exactly what it is, but God has healed you right now....
• It seems to me the uses of tobacco aren't obvious right off the bat .
  .. You can shred it up and put it on a piece of paper and roll it up ....
• Pascal n. An Algol-descended language designed by Niklaus Wirth on the CDC 6600 around 1967-68 as an instructional tool for elementary programming.
  This language, designed primarily to keep students from shooting themselves in the foot and thus extremely restrictive from a general-purpose-programming point of view, was later promoted as a general-purpose tool and, in fact, became the ancestor of a large family of languages including Modula-2 and Ada (see also bondage-and-discipline l summed up by a devastating (and, in its deadpan way, screamingly funny) 1981 paper by Brian Kernighan (of K&...
• You are destined to become the commandant of the fighting men of the department of transportation.
• Pelorat sighed. "I will never understand people.
  "There's nothing to it. All you have to do is take a close look at yourself and you will understand everyone else....
• Statisticians do it with large numbers.