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• When I was a kid I said to my father one afternoon, Daddy, will you take me to the zoo?
  He answered, If the zoo wants you let them come and get you. -- Jerry Lewi...
• Why shouldn't the American people take half my money from me? I took all of it from them.
• Krusty: Number 73, you're next. Make with the laugh-laugh.
  Cecil: [clears throat] [meekly] Hey, children. Meet me, Sideshow Cecil....
• I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.
  -- Shirley Temple...
• The people in the village were real poor, so none of the children had any toys.
  But this one little boy had gotten an old enema bag and filled it with rocks, and he would go around and whap the other children across the face with it....
• I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home. --Robert Orbe