Related:

• I'd like to see a nature film where an eagle swoops down and pulls a fish out of a lake, and then maybe he's flying along, low to the ground, and the fish pulls a worm out of the ground.
  Now that's a documentary! -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• Whenever anybody says he's struggling to become a human being I have to laugh because the apes beat him to it by about a million years.
  Struggle to become a parrot or something. -- Jack Handey, "Deep Though...
• I bet the sparrow looks at the parrot and thinks, yes, you can talk, but LISTEN TO YOURSELF!
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• I think a good movie would be about a guy who's a brain scientist, but he gets hit on the head and it damages the part of the brain that makes you want to study the brain.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• It seems there's this magician working one of the luxury cruise ships for a few years.
  He doesn't have to change his routines much as the audiences change over fairly often, and he's got a good life....
• Isn't it funny how whenever we go to a county fair or a state fair, the first thing we do is see if they have some kind of pornography booth?
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• I think when you go on trial they should have a parrot there that says guilty or not guilty for you, as a sort of courtesy.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• Too bad when I was a kid there wasn't a guy in our class that everybody called the "Cricket Boy
  because I would have liked to stand up in class and tell everybody, "You can make fun of the Cricket Boy if you want to, but to me he's just like everybody else....
• Sometimes you have to be careful when selecting a new nickname for yourself.
  For instance, let's say you have chosen the nickname "Fly Head"....