Related:

• I was standing in the kitchen one day, fixing a sandwich or something, when suddenly I heard a very distinct "sneeze" emanate from the fridge.
  Naturally curious, I opened the door and scrutinized the various food items....
• I remember a lot of things before I was even born. I remember going to a picnic with my father and coming home with my mother.
  -- Foster Brook...
• Bye, bye, Miss American Pie. Drove my Chevy to the levee, but the levee was dry.
  Them good old boys were drinkin' whiskey and rye, sayin' 'This will be the day that I die....
• I was going to commit suicide the other day. I must not have been serious because I brought a beach towel.
  -- Steven Wrigh...
• Not tonight, dear. I have a modem.
• Not tonight, dear. I have an attitude.
• Not tonight, hon. I have a headcrash.
• YES,tonight....I have a headache!!!
• Not tonight, Chekhov, I have an earache