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• Your baby and I will see you in Hell! -- Nadine.
• I LOVE you baby, but her FLESH got in the way!
• My baby's got something I can't resist.
• To Smokers: If you smoke, may I fart in your face?
• To Smokers: If you smoke, may I rip a stinky in your face?
• When you get past fifty, you have to decide whether to keep your face or your figure.
  I kept my face. -- Barbara Cartland...
• Lisa: Okay, but you gotta promise you won't get mad or tell anyone, especially Bart.
  Homer: I promise. Lisa: [Jenna von Oy-esque] Bart rented a car with a phony driver's license and drove Milhouse, Martin, and Nelson to a week out in Knoxville and their car got crushed and they're out of money and they can't get home and Bart's working as a courier and just came back from Hong Kong!...
• I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed.
  So I said, "Get off me, you two!" -- Emo Phillip...
• I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face.
  I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?...