Related:

• If you're running against Nixon you don't have to say anything.
  You don't even have to get out of bed in the morning to beat him....
• But Titus said, with his uncommon sense, When the Exclusion Bill was in suspense
  "I hear a lion in the lobby roar; Say, Mr. Speaker, shall we shut the door And keep him there, or shall we let him in To try if we can turn him out again?...
• Bill: Let me get this straight: you took all the money you made franchising your name and bet it against the Harlem Globetrotters?
  Krusty: Oh, I thought the Generals were due! [TV shows a Globetrotter spinning the ball as Generals watch] He's spinning the ball on his finger!...
• Looking for a cool one after a long, dusty ride, the drifter strode into the saloon.
  As he made his way through the crowd to the bar, a man galloped through town screaming, "Big Mike's comin'!...
• Oh, he [a big dog] hunts with papa," she said. "He says Don Carlos [the dog] is good for almost every kind of game.
  He went duck hunting one time and did real well at it....
• Did you hear about the man who never worried about his marriage until he moved from New York to California and discovered that he still had the same milkman.
• You can watch a horse boil in a pot but you can't drink him.
• You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink.
• A statesman is an easy man, He tells his lies by rote
  A journalist makes up his lies And takes you by the throa...