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• I bought a self learning record to learn spanish, I turned it on and went to sleep, the record got stuck, the next day I could only stutter in spanish.
  -- Stephen Wrigh...
• I finally went to the eye doctor. I got contacts. I only need them to read, so I got flip-ups.
  -- Steven Wrigh...
• My girlfriend and I went on a picnic. I don't know how she did it, but she got poison ivy on the brain.
  When it itched, the only way she could scratch it was to think about sandpaper. -- Steven Wrigh...
• I bought a portable cable tv. -- Steven Wrigh
• I bought a house, on a one-way dead-end road. I don't know how I got there. -- Steven Wrigh
• I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint.
  It was in the shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included....
• I bought a dog the other day. I named him Stay. It's fun to call him.
  'Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!' He went insane. -- Steven Wrigh...
• The other day I went out and bought a humidifier and a de-humidifier.
  I brought them home, put them in the bedroom, shut the door, and let them fight it out....