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• My first wife divorced me on grounds of incompatibility.
  And besides, I think she hated me. -- Oscar Leva...
• I knew her before she was a virgin. -- Oscar Levant, on Doris Day
• I'm more humble than you are!
• Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome. -- Oscar Leva
• I envy people who drink. At least they have something to blame everything on. -- Oscar Leva
• There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.
  -- Oscar Levant (1906-1972)...
• It's hard to be humble when you're as great as I am.
• Alas, I am dying beyond my means.
  -- Oscar Wilde, as he sipped champagne on his deathbed...