Related:

• Don't Panic. The Earth is just being demolished for a hyperspace bypass.
• At about 2500 A.D., humankind discovers a computer problem that *must* be solved.
  The only difficulty is that the problem is NP complete and will take thousands of years even with the latest optical biologic technology available....
• People of Earth, your attention please. This is Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz of the Galactic Hyperspace Planning Council.
  As you will no doubt be aware, the plans for development of the outlying regions of the Galaxy require the building of a hyperspatial express route through your star system, and regrettably your planet is one of those scheduled for demolition....
• Seems a computer engineer, a systems analyst, and a programmer were driving down a mountain when the brakes gave out.
  They screamed down the mountain, gaining speed, but finally managed to grind to a halt, more by luck than anything else, just inches from a thousand foot drop to jagged rocks....
• If Death calls, take a message. I'll get back to her.
• I don't need a warranty. I'll just take it back.
• Troy: Thank you, it's great to be back. I just want to say, I wouldn't be here without the support of a very special lady
  my always outrageous fiancee Selma. Take a bow, sugar beet!...
• I've been on the Valium diet for eight and a half years now.
  If you take enough Valium it'll help you lose weight....
• Baby on Board, Mom on Valium.