Related:

• All the plants in my house are dead---I shot them last night.
  I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes. -- Steven Wrigh...
• I like to torture my plants by watering them with ice cubes.
• For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier.
  .. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out. -- Stephen Wrigh...
• My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.
  -- Stephen Wrigh...
• I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took and to the Gift Wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.
  -- Stephen Wrigh...
• I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them.
  Then I took one out and he ran around in circles. -- Stephen Wrigh...
• My house is made out of balsa wood. When no one is home across the street, except the little kids, I go out and lift my house up over my head.
  I tell them to stay out of my yard or I'll throw it at them. -- Steven Wrigh...
• Last night I stayed up all night playing poker with Tarot cards.
  I got a full house and four people died. -- Steven Wrigh...