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• That old Velveeta really sticks like glue!
• One Liners Worth Remembering Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm Eagles may soa
  but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol I intend to live forever - so far, so good I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?...
• I was like this BEFORE watching Weather Channel non-stop.
• Q: How do you stop a black kid from jumping on his bed? A: Glue "Velcro" to the ceiling.
• I glue all my bills together. Why? Mail bonding ritual.
• Taoism = Shit Happens. If you can shit, it isn't shit.
  Confucianism = Confucius say, "Shit Happens" Buddhism = If shit happens, it is not really shit....
• More One Liners * If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
  * For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain....
• The Top Ten Signs that You're Being Stalked by Martha Stewart 10.
  You get a threatening note made up of letters cut out of a magazine with pinking shears, and they're all the same size, the same font, and precisely lined up in razor sharp rows....
• It looks just like a Telefunken U-47.