Related:

• Woman walks into her psychiatrists office and says, "Hey doc, you know how we have been talking about freudian slips?
  Well, I had the most amazing one last night. I was eating dinner with my mother, and I meant to say, "please pass the salt," but instead I said, "You fucking bitch, you ruined my life....
• Pass the garlic powder, please...
• I have to stop now, my fingers are getting hoarse.
• I'm not a dictator. It's just that I have a grumpy face.
• Well, here it is Sunday evening again and you've probably all read, reread, and pretty well exhausted the info in your Church bulletin by now .
  .. Real exciting stuff, eh? Yeah, ours generally is too....
• It had to happen sooner or later. Lawyer Dobbins was wheeled into the emergency room on a stretcher, rolling his head in agony.
  Doctor Green came over to see him. "Dobbins," he said, "What an honor....