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• Pleas turn your mobile phone upside down now!!! Hurry ---- 370HSSV 0773H
• Steve: Hello. Steve and Matt aren't here right now but if.
  .. Matt: Steve, what are you doing? Steve: I'm leaving a phone message since we aren't here....
• If you can't stand the heat, turn down the volume.
• Things to do When Bored -Wax the ceiling -Rearrange political campaign signs -Sharpen your teeth -Play Houdini with one of your siblings -Braid your dog's hair -Clean and polish your belly button -Water your dog.
  ..see if he grows -Wash a tree -Knight yourself -Name your child Edsel -Scare Stephen King -Give your cat a mohawk -Purr -Mow your carpet -Play Pat Boone records backwards -Vacuum your lawn -Whine -Rake your carpet -Re-elect Richard Nixon -Critique "Three's Company" -Listen to a painting -Play with matches -Buff your cat -Race ferrets -Paint your house....
• 50 Fun Things to Do at Wal-Mart 1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
  2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store....
• YOU MAY BE AN ENGINEER 26) If you thought the concoction ET used to phone home was stupid 27) If you ever burned down the gymnasium with your Science Fair project 28) If you are currently gathering the components to build your own nuclear reactor 29) If you own one or more white short-sleeve dress shirts 30) If you have never backed-up your hard drive 31) If you are aware that computers are actually only good for playing game
  but are afraid to say it out loud 32) If you truly believe aliens are living among us 33) If you have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance 34) If you have ever purchased an electronic appliance "as-is" 35) If you see a good design and still have to change it 36) If the salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions 37) If you still own a slide rule and you know how to work it 38) If the thought that a CD could refer to finance or music never enters your mind 39) If you own a set of itty-bitty screw drivers, but you don't remember where they are 40) If you rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires 41) If you have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own turns bread into charcoal 42) If you have more toys than your kids 43) If you need a checklist to turn on the TV 44) If you have introduced your kids by the wrong name 45) If your wife thinks your taste in ties is bizarre 46) If you have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work 47) If your I....
• 100 Ways to Confuse Your Roommate 1. Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat.
  Then leave "Slim Jim" wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach everytime your roommate walks in....
• SUPERIOR REVISED CAT CODE Program Cat; Uses Crt; Var Dead
  Boolean; YourLife, CatLife : Byte; { No procs this time....
• You Know It's Going to Be A Bad Day When: 1. You wake up face down on the pavement.
  2. You put your bra on backwards and it fits better....