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• Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress, and I keep losing my temper with people.
  Doctor: Tell me about your problem. Patient: I JUST DID, DIDN'T I, YOU STUPID BASTARD!...
• Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress, I keep losing my temper with people.
  Doctor: Tell me about your problem. Patie...
• Redneck Fisherman's Love Poem Collards is green, my dog's name is Blue and I'm so lucky to have a sweet thang like you.
  Yore hair is like cornsilk a-flapping in the breeze....
• If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.
• A guy went to get a vasectomy (under general anesthesia).
  While the guy was asleep, the doctor mistakenly cut his nuts off....
• Missing your cat? Look under my car tires!
• Marriage Before - You take my breath away. After - I feel like I'm suffocating.
  Before - She loves the way I take control of a Situation....
• A waiter goes up to a bloke in the restaurant to take his order.
  The guy at the table says "I'd like the fried lobster, with french fries and broccoli....
• Catch a breath of morning exhaust fumes.