STAR TREK: IN SEARCH OF POWER
"Sulu, set path to the root directory and install the ram disk for
320k. We're taking her out."
"Aye, sir."
"Scotty, I want full power to the megabit ram chips and to the hard
drives."
"Captain, yer overloadin' her as it is. The power supply just isn't
built to take two hard drrrives."
"Power, Scotty! I want more power! Chekov, install the disk cache.
Spock, any word on the millions of instructions per second?"
"Fascinating, Captain. It seems as if the turbo accelerator board
is overrunning the hard drive, which, due to its poorer response time,
is slowing down the system performance."
"Scotty, where is that power!?"
"Captain, I'm givin ye all she's got. It's that miserable 80986
with the 512k bit bus multiplexed down to one pin. The wee beastie has
these teeny weeny little segments that can only handle so much. You'll
have to install an extended memory board, do bank switching, and
allocate a huge ram disk if you want to go any faster."
"Chekov, install the EMS board."
"Yes, sir."
"Uhura, any word from mainframe command?"
"Well, Captain, we're received several interrupts from the serial
port, but because we're not multitasking, the data is just sitting
there."
"Scotty, how much longer until we can shift into Unix?"
"Captain, if ye can squeeze another 60 megabytes onto that hard
disk, we might have room for Unix and a couple of system utilities.
Possibly an application. We'll need to increase the clock speed to 28
gigahertz. I think we can do it, but there are too many unknowns, too
many bugs in the system! We'll have to do a proper shakedown."
"Spock?"
"Unix is a massive system, Captain, and the commands have to be
decoded from hieroglyphics invented back in ancient times. It may be
more than we can handle."
"Sulu, put in the 60 meg hard drive, install Unix for mouse drive.
Prepare to go to Task speed on my signal."
"Mouse drive? ......Aye, Captain."
"Now! Yes, Bones? What do you want?"
"Jim, you just have a little spreadsheet work, mailing labels, and
some word processing. Don't you think you're overdoing it a bit?"
"Sulu?"
"Captain, she's shifting into multitasking. Task one. Task two....
Captain, I'm losing control at the helm. It looks like we've
encountered a bad sector."
"Put it on visual, Sulu."
"Captain, the VGA is not responding, sir. Shifting resolution into
EGA mode."
"Spock? What's the problem?"
"Unknown, Captain. Unix seems to be rerouting all input to a null
device." Trying 'grep'", now muttering, "whatever that is."
"Scotty, what's happening with those '/dev' subdirectories?"
"Captain, she canna take much morrre.... Another fifteen seconds
and me math chips'll burrrn up for surrre...."
"Scotty, we're not using the math chip."
"Sorry, Captain, but I haven't been able to say that for twenty
minutes."
"Uhura, notify mainframe command."
"Captain, either communications is breaking up, or you're dropping
into Shakespearean stutter mode again."
"Captain, she canna take much morrre.... Another fifteen seconds
and me math chips'll burrrn up for surrre...."
"Enough Scotty!"
"Captain! I'm getting a message from mainframe command......
Apparently, sir, they're going to time-warp previously forgotten modes
of data handling, it looks like SQL syntax is forming in the language
port now."
"Scotty, quick, pop-up the menu shields. This could be a trick to
get us back to card punching."
"I'm sorry, Captain, but Dbase LCXIX doesn't have pop-ups that work
yet."
"Chekov, we need hardcopy! Fire HP LaserJet!"
"Aye, sir."
"Bones, how do I see which tasks are active?"
"I'm a doctor, Jim, not a command shell!"
"Scotty! Why can't I get a directory on this thing!!?"
"Captain, ye just canna have a mouse driven pull down menu system
with Unix. It's like matter and antimatter, the system's too bogged
down. Yer drainin me quartz crystals."
"Chekov, report."
"Captain, the little arrow is responding, but it gets to the side of
the screen before the windows have a chance to move..."
"Spock? What's happening to our multitasking?"
"It appears as if the needs of the one are outweighing the needs of
the many."
"Captain, she's not even runnin on reserve now. We'll have to do a
cold boot for surrre."
"Bones?"
"It's dead, Jim."
"Sulu, set path to the root directory and install the ram disk for
320k. We're taking her out."
"Aye, sir."
"Scotty, I want full power to the megabit ram chips and to the hard
drives."
"Captain, yer overloadin' her as it is. The power supply just isn't
built to take two hard drrrives."
"Power, Scotty! I want more power! Chekov, install the disk cache.
Spock, any word on the millions of instructions per second?"
"Fascinating, Captain. It seems as if the turbo accelerator board
is overrunning the hard drive, which, due to its poorer response time,
is slowing down the system performance."
"Scotty, where is that power!?"
"Captain, I'm givin ye all she's got. It's that miserable 80986
with the 512k bit bus multiplexed down to one pin. The wee beastie has
these teeny weeny little segments that can only handle so much. You'll
have to install an extended memory board, do bank switching, and
allocate a huge ram disk if you want to go any faster."
"Chekov, install the EMS board."
"Yes, sir."
"Uhura, any word from mainframe command?"
"Well, Captain, we're received several interrupts from the serial
port, but because we're not multitasking, the data is just sitting
there."
"Scotty, how much longer until we can shift into Unix?"
"Captain, if ye can squeeze another 60 megabytes onto that hard
disk, we might have room for Unix and a couple of system utilities.
Possibly an application. We'll need to increase the clock speed to 28
gigahertz. I think we can do it, but there are too many unknowns, too
many bugs in the system! We'll have to do a proper shakedown."
"Spock?"
"Unix is a massive system, Captain, and the commands have to be
decoded from hieroglyphics invented back in ancient times. It may be
more than we can handle."
"Sulu, put in the 60 meg hard drive, install Unix for mouse drive.
Prepare to go to Task speed on my signal."
"Mouse drive? ......Aye, Captain."
"Now! Yes, Bones? What do you want?"
"Jim, you just have a little spreadsheet work, mailing labels, and
some word processing. Don't you think you're overdoing it a bit?"
"Sulu?"
"Captain, she's shifting into multitasking. Task one. Task two....
Captain, I'm losing control at the helm. It looks like we've
encountered a bad sector."
"Put it on visual, Sulu."
"Captain, the VGA is not responding, sir. Shifting resolution into
EGA mode."
"Spock? What's the problem?"
"Unknown, Captain. Unix seems to be rerouting all input to a null
device." Trying 'grep'", now muttering, "whatever that is."
"Scotty, what's happening with those '/dev' subdirectories?"
"Captain, she canna take much morrre.... Another fifteen seconds
and me math chips'll burrrn up for surrre...."
"Scotty, we're not using the math chip."
"Sorry, Captain, but I haven't been able to say that for twenty
minutes."
"Uhura, notify mainframe command."
"Captain, either communications is breaking up, or you're dropping
into Shakespearean stutter mode again."
"Captain, she canna take much morrre.... Another fifteen seconds
and me math chips'll burrrn up for surrre...."
"Enough Scotty!"
"Captain! I'm getting a message from mainframe command......
Apparently, sir, they're going to time-warp previously forgotten modes
of data handling, it looks like SQL syntax is forming in the language
port now."
"Scotty, quick, pop-up the menu shields. This could be a trick to
get us back to card punching."
"I'm sorry, Captain, but Dbase LCXIX doesn't have pop-ups that work
yet."
"Chekov, we need hardcopy! Fire HP LaserJet!"
"Aye, sir."
"Bones, how do I see which tasks are active?"
"I'm a doctor, Jim, not a command shell!"
"Scotty! Why can't I get a directory on this thing!!?"
"Captain, ye just canna have a mouse driven pull down menu system
with Unix. It's like matter and antimatter, the system's too bogged
down. Yer drainin me quartz crystals."
"Chekov, report."
"Captain, the little arrow is responding, but it gets to the side of
the screen before the windows have a chance to move..."
"Spock? What's happening to our multitasking?"
"It appears as if the needs of the one are outweighing the needs of
the many."
"Captain, she's not even runnin on reserve now. We'll have to do a
cold boot for surrre."
"Bones?"
"It's dead, Jim."
Related:
- Hi Folks,
The following is a little humour written by Tom Wade of EuroKom
and Eoin Meehan of Printech International plc.
We hope it lightens your day! Distribute or destroy at will!... - How many accountants does it take to change a light bulb?
(Whispering voice:) "What do you WANT it to be?" How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?... - MS Windows and the Borg
Picard: Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at finding
a weakness in the Borg?
And Mr. Data, have you been able to access their command pathways?... - W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l
< -if you have to ask get out of the way- Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the window, and smash your face into the front fender?... - LIGHT BULB JOKES
Q: How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.... - How about that footage on the news yesterday of our new Commander-in-
Chief on the deck of the aircraft carrier (Teddy Roosevelt?
).. After throwing one of his snappy salutes (he's *almost* got that down), I half expected him to give the order, "Let's turn this thang around.... - Edited by Brad Templeton. MAIL, yes MAIL your jokes to watmath!
looking!funny . Attribute the joke's source if at all possible.... - A black guy and a gorilla go into a bar together. He says to the
bartender, "I'd like a beer, and a gin and tonic for my girlfriend here.
The bartender says, "Oh come on, pal, we don't serve no gorillas in here.... - We are prepared to help you escape from /usr/plane
but we need some help from you in return; You must help free us from the tyranny...
