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• HOW GUYS THINK By Dave Barry, Pulitzer Prize Winning Columnist From The Boston Sunday Globe
  August 20, 1989 Today we're going to explore the mysterious topic of How Guys Think, which has baffled women in general, and the editors of Cosmopolitan magazine in particular, for thousands of years....
• I thought you'd all like to hear about the potential candidates meeting with the Wizard of Oz.
  .. First, President Bush went to see the Wizard and said, "Everyone says I have no compassion or feelings, I wish to have a Heart"....
• Why to not buy Madonna's Lingerie: 10> Far to thin to cost that much 9> Twisted guys wear it more often than girls 8> You don't want to buy that stuff from anyone wearing road pylons on her chest!
  7> God knows where her hands have been... 6> God knows where SHE'S BEEN!...
• The President Of The Bank Of Canada... A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of money.
  She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!...
• THE LITTLE OLD LADY AND THE BET A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of money.
  She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!...
• A Vaseline salesman is driving through the country, when his car starts leaking and loses all its oil.
  Not knowing what to do, he fills the engine with Vaseline, thinking that it is similar to oil, and drives away....
• A little old lady goes into the Chase Manhattan Bank, and says she wants to open a savings account.
  The accounts person asks her how much she would like to deposit to open the account and the little old lady says, "Three million dollars....
• How about that footage on the news yesterday of our new Commander-in- Chief on the deck of the aircraft carrier (Teddy Roosevelt?
  ).. After throwing one of his snappy salutes (he's *almost* got that down), I half expected him to give the order, "Let's turn this thang around....