HOW TO KILL A SOUTH DAKOTA EEL Little Johnny and the other boys his age were hearing quite a bit about dating from the older boys,

HOW TO KILL A SOUTH DAKOTA EEL

Little Johnny and the other boys his age were hearing quite a bit
about dating from the older boys, and wondering what it was all about and
how it was done. One day, Johnny decided to take these questions to his
mother who became quite flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny,
she told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older
sister and her boyfriend. The next morning Johnny explained *EVERYTHING* to
his mother:

"Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while, then he turned off
most of the lights and they started to hug and kiss. I figured sis must
have been getting sick, because she started looking funny. Her boyfriend
must have thought so too, because he put his hand up her shirt to find her
heart, just like a doctor would - except he is not as smart as a doctor,
because he had trouble finding her heart.

"I guessed that her boyfriend must have been getting sick too, because
pretty soon they were both panting and out of breath. His other hand must
have been getting cold because he put it up her skirt. About this time, she
got worse; she began to moan, squirm around and slide down towards the end
of the couch. I knew she had a fever because she said she was feeling hot.

"Then I found out what was making them so sick - a big eel had gotten
into her boyfriend's pants. It jumped out of his pants and stood there, about
10 inches long. Anyway, he grabbed it in one hand to keep it from getting
away. When sis saw it she got scared, and her mouth fell open to call God
and stuff like that. She said it was the biggest she had ever seen. I
thought I should tell them about the ones down at the lake ...

"All of a sudden, sis got brave and tried to kill the eel by biting it's
head off. But it must have bit her back back because, after a few minutes,
she started making noises. So, she grabbed it tight with both hands while
her boyfriend put a muzzle on it to keep it from biting her again. Sis laid
back and spread her legs so that she could put a scissor-lock on it, and
he helped by laying on top of the eel.

"The eel put up one hell of a fight. Sis started to moan and scream.
I guess that they wanted to kill the eel by squashing it between them. After
a while both quit moving and gave out a great sigh. Her boyfriend got up and
sure enough, they killed it. I knew it was dead because it just hung limp
there and some of it's insides were hanging out.

"Sis and her boyfriend were tired from the battle, but they went at it
again. They started to kiss and hug again. I guess that eels are like cats,
with nine lives or something, because the eel got up and started to fight
again. This time sis tried to kill it by sitting on it. They finally killed
it - I knew it was dead this time because I saw sis's boyfriend peel it's
skin off and flushed it down the toilet."

Little Johnny's mother fainted.