A BILL TO REGULATE THE
HUNTING AND HARVESTING
OF ATTORNEYS
372.01 Any person with a valid Texas state rodent or
armadillo hunting license may also hunt and harvest attorneys
for recreational and sporting (non-commercial) purposes.
372.02 Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is
permitted. The use of United States currency as bait is, how-
ever, prohibited.
372.03 The willful killing of attorneys with a motor
vehicle is prohibited, unless such vehicle is an ambulance being
driven in reverse. If an attorney is accidentally struck by a
motor vehicle, the dead attorney should be removed to the road-
side and the vehicle should proceed to the nearest car wash.
372.04 It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys
from a power boat, helicopter or fixed-wing aircraft.
372.05 It is unlawful to shout "Whiplash", "Ambulance", or
"Free Scotch" for the purpose of trapping attorneys.
372.06 It is unlawful to hunt attorneys within one hundred
(100) yards of BMW, Porsche, or Mercedes dealerships, except on
Wednesday afternoons.
372.07 It is unlawful to hunt attorneys within two hundred
(200) yards of courtrooms, law libraries, health clubs, country
clubs, brothels or hospitals.
372.08 If an attorney gains elective office, it is not
necessary to have a license to hunt, trap or possess same.
372.09 It is unlawful for a hunter to wear a disguise as a
reporter, accident victim, physician, chiropractor or tax accoun-
tant for the purpose of hunting attorneys
