Related:

• Hi, this is Jim. Welcome to my Fun Phone Line, where you can talk to my answering machine for only $
  .95 per minute! Please leave your credit card number at the tone......
• Pastor, about donating to a charity: "I upped my pledge.
  Up yours!" (Thanks, "Tanno Gerritsen" <tanno_gerritsen@yahoo.com>)...
• The Registry Of Motor Vehicles' Pledge Of Cheerfulness.
• You know what I hate about answering machine messages?
  They go on and on, wasting your time. I mean, all they really need to say is, "We aren't in, leave a message....
• Hello, this is David. I don't live here, so if you were trying to call me, you've dialed the wrong number.
  On the other hand, if you were trying to call John, Jim, or Eric, please leave your name and number at the tone....
• Now for a *harmless* practical joke. My favorite telephone gag is to call someone at random, and with an official tone rattle off this warning before they can interrup
  "This is the telephone company calling. There is some trouble with your line....
• What's the difference between a banjo and a(n)... Chain Saw
  ( 1.) a chain saw has a dynamic range. ( 2.) you can turn a chain saw off....
• Thanks for calling Dial-A-Shrink. I can't come to the phone right now
  o after the tone, please leave your name and number, then talk briefly about your childhood and tell me what comes to mind when you hear the following word...