As The Following Classified Classics Will Demonstrate, There Are Often More Laughs On The Advertising And Classified Pages Than You Can Find In The Cartoons And Comic Strip

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As the following classified classics will demonstrate, there are often
more laughs on the advertising and classified pages than you can find
in the cartoons and comic strips:
-Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.
-A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by
waitresses in appetizing forms.
-Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.
-For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and
large drawers.
-For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, pottie
chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar.
-Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.
-Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to
take home, too.
-Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.
-Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.
-We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
-No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it
really repellent.
-For Sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.
-For Sale -- Eight puppies from a German Shepperd and an Alaskan Hussy.
-Creative daily specials, including select offerings of beef, foul, fresh
vagetables, salads, quiche.
-7 ounces of choice sirloin steak, boiled to your likeness and smothered
with golden fried onion rings.
-Great Dames for sale.
-Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
-Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
-20 dozen bottles of excellent Old Tawny Port, sold to pay for charges,
the owner having lost sight of, and bottled by us last year.
-Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
-Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.
-If you think you've seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lachasis
Cemetery. It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean de la Fontain, and
-Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim
in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.
-The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds, and other
athletic facilities.
-Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.
-Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates.
Automatically burns toast.
-Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots
of women wear nothing else.
-Stock up and save. Limit: one.
-Save regularly in our bank. You'll never reget it.
-We build bodies that last a lifetime.
-Offer expires December 31 or while supplies last .
-This is the model home for your future. It was panned by Better Homes
and Gardens.
-For Sale--Diamonds $20; microscopes $15.
-For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.
-Man, honest. Will take anything.
-Wanted: chambermaid in rectory. Love in, $200 a month. References
-Wanted: Part-time married girls for soda fountain in sandwich shop.
-Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
-Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!
-Christmans tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.
-Modular Sofas. Only $299. For rest or fore play.
-Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential.
-Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
-3-year-old teacher need for pre-school. Experience preferred.
-Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and
smacks included.
-Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.
-Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll
never go anywhere again.
-See ladies blouses. 50% off!
-Holcross pullets. Starting to lay Betty Clayton, Granite 5-6204.
-Wanted: Preparer of food. Must be dependable, like the food business,
and be willing to get hands dirty.
-Illiterate? Write today for free help.
-Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross
and salary.
-Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume
general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth
of family.
-Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for
efficient beating.
-Mother's helper--peasant working conditions.
-Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.
-And now, the Superstore--unequaled in size, unmatched in variety,
unrivaled inconvenience.
-We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.

And these beauties from the radio:
-Ladies and gentlemen, now you can have a bikini for a ridiculous figure.
-Be with us again next Saturday at 10 p.m. for "High Fidelity," designed
to help music lovers increase their reproduction.
-When you are thirsty, try 7-Up,the refreshing drink in the green bottle
with the big 7 on it and u-p after.
-Tune in next week for another series of classical music programs from
the Canadian Broadcorping Castration.

Do you know why aggies carry cow chips in their back pockets?
For identification!

Did you hear about the aggie who moved his finger from his left nostril to his
right and thought he had invented the transplant?

Did you hear about the aggie who spent three hours in the library trying to
look up Author Unknown?

Did you hear about the aggie who had diarrea?
He thought he was melting!

How do you go from Texas Tech to Aggieland?
Go east until you smell it, then go south until you step in it!

"Yellow River Valley" by I.P. Freely
"Brown Spots On the Wall" by Who Flung Poo
"Under the Grandstands" by Seymour Butz
"Poppulation explosion in China" by Wi Fukem Yung
100 yards to the out-house - written by Willey Makeit
illistrated by Betty Wont
Yellow River - written by I.P. Daily

Man who put head on railroad track
get splitting headache