One Pole: Are the Russians our friends or our brothers?

One Pole: Are the Russians our friends or our brothers?
Second Pole: I give up.
First Pole: Our brothers - you get to choose your friends.

Why is Communism like flying in an aeroplane?
You see the glorious horizon approaching but the longer you fly,
the less the glorious horizon seems to approach, you feel sick,
and you can't get out.

Czech walks into police station in 1968 during the Fraternal
Assistance.
Czech: Hey, out there in the street, a Swiss soldier knocked
me down and took my Russian watch.
Desk Sergeant: Come again?
Czech: Are you deaf? Out there in the street, a Swiss soldier
knocked me down and took my Russian watch.
Desk Sergeant: You're confused. It was a Russian soldier who
knocked you down and took your Swiss watch.
Czech: Well, maybe, but you said it, not me.

Kruschev is at a political dinner, and a young hopeful from Gosplan
is giving a speech about tractor production which is going on for ever.
In true Russian fashion, K. spears his steak on his fork, picks it
up, and starts to nibble around it.
Nina, (Mrs K), is horrified, and hisses "Nazhom, Nikita, nazhom!"
("Your knife, Nikita, use your knife!")
Nikita answers, "Why, what did he say?"

Small boy: They were telling us at school about the difference
between Socialism and Communism. How will we know when
Socialism has been achieved, and we are in the state of
true Communism.
Mother: When every family has a private plane.
Small buy: Wow! And what will we use ours for?
Mother: I was thinking if flying down to Kiev to see if
they have any butter this week.