A friend of mine, Doug, finally managed to get this girl he liked out on a date.

A friend of mine, Doug, finally managed to get this girl he liked out on a
date. They went to a movie. On the way home from the movie Doug's car caught
on fire somehow. Doug being the rational kind of guy just pulled over and got
out. However, his date was not so level headed. She was frozen with fear in
her seat. Doug went around to her side to get her out but her door was locked!
He went back to his side reached over, unlocked her door, ran around, and
dragged her out and away from the car just as the gas tank tore engulfing the
entire car in flames.
The next day in church, Doug (looking a little scorched!)was sitting about dead
center in the sanctuary. A friend of Doug's father was sitting behind him and
when the Pastor paused for a breath (about halfway through the 2 hour sermon)
he leaned forward and said to Doug: "So, heard you had a hot date last night!"
The entire congregation nearly exploded in laughter.
True story submitted by the Edster

Reasons why Usenet is like a penis:
* It can be up or down. It's more fun when it's up, but it makes it hard
to get any real work done.
* In the long-distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information
considered vital to the survival of the species. Some people still
think that's the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today
use it for fun most of the time.
* It has no conscience and no memory. Left to its own devices, it will
just do the same damn dumb things it did before.
* It provides a way to interact with other people. Some people take this
interaction very seriously, others treat it as a lark. Sometimes it's
hard to tell what kind of person you're dealing with until it's too
late.
* If you don't apply the appropriate protective measures, it can spread
viruses.
* It has no brain of its own. Instead, it uses yours. If you use it too
much, you'll find it becomes more and more difficult to think coherently.
* We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual size
and influence warrant.
* If you're not careful what you do with it, it can get you in big trouble.
* It has its own agenda. Somehow, no matter how good your intentions, it
will warp your behavior. Later you may ask yourself "why on earth did
I do that?"
* Some folks have it, some don't.
Those who have it would be devastated if it were ever cut off. They
think that those who don't have it are somehow inferior. They think it
gives them power. They are wrong.
Those who don't have it may agree that it's a nifty toy, but think it's
not worth the fuss that those who do have it make about it. Still, many
of those who don't have it would like to try it.
* Once you've started playing with it, it's hard to stop. Some people
would just play with it all day if they didn't have work to do.