Most people wish to fly on the old gauges at one time or another but are
prevented by the high cost of the instruments necessary for this form of
flight. The following is a more or less known and extremely simple method
which may be used by all.
Place a live cat on the cockpit floor, because a cat always remains upright,
he or she can be used in lieu of a needle and ball instrument. Merely watch
to see which way he leans to determine if a wing is low and if so, which
one. This will enable you to your aircraft level in route with complete
accuracy and confidence.
A duck is used for final instrument approach and landing, because of the
fact that any sensible old duck will refuse to fly under instrument
conditions, it is only necessary to hurl your duck out of the cockpit window
and follow her to the ground.
There are some limitations on the cat and duck method, but by rigidly
adhering to the following check list a degree of success will be achieved
which will not only startle you, but will astonish your passengers as well,
and may have an occasional tower operator with an open mouth.
** Get a wide-awake cat, most cats do not want to stand up all the time, so
it may be necessary to carry a fierce dog along to keep the cat at
** Make sure your cat is clean, dirty cats will spend all the time washing.
Trying to follow a washing cat usually results in a slow roll followed by an
inverted spin. You will see that this is most unprofessional.
** Old cats are the best, young cats have nine lives, but an old used up cat
with only one life left has just as much to loose and will be more
** Avoid stray cats. Try to get one with good character because you may want
to spend time with her.
** Beware of cowardly ducks, if the duck discovers that you are using the
cat to stay upright, she will refuse to leave the aeroplane without the cat.
Ducks are no better on instruments than you are.
** Get a duck with good eyes. Near sighted ducks sometimes fail to recognise
that they are on the old gauges and will go flogging into the nearest hill.
Very near sighted ducks will not realise that they have been thrown out and
will descend to the ground in a sitting position. This is a most difficult
manoeuvre to follow in an airplane.
** Choose your duck carefully, it is easy to confuse ducks with geese. Many
large birds look alike. While they are very competent instrument flyers,
geese seldom want to go in the same direction that you do. If your duck
seems to be taking a heading to Ireland or Sweden, you may be safe in
assuming that someone has given you a goose.
W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l <
-if you have to ask get out of the way-
Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was
writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that
he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the
window, and smash your face into the front fender?...