A Few For The Pun Lovers...
*** The Service ***
Our old friend Gladys attended church services one particular Sunday.
The sermon seemed to go on forever, and many in the congregation fell
asleep.
After the service, to be social, she walked up to a very sleepy looking
gentleman, in an attempt to revive him from his stupor, extended her hand in
greeting, and said, "Hello, I'm Gladys Dunn."
To which the gentleman replied, "You're not the only one!"
*** Dinner ***
The young couple invited their aged parson for Sunday dinner. While they
were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their son what
they were having.
"Goat," the little boy replied.
"Goat?" replied the startled man of the cloth, "Are you sure about that?"
"Yep," said the youngster. "I heard Pa say to Ma, 'Might as well have the
old goat for dinner today as any other day.'"
*** At The Bar ***
A man walks into a bar and says, "Excuse me, I'd like a pint of beer."
The bartender serves the drink and says, "That'll be four dollars." The
customer pulls out a twenty-dollar bill and hands it to the bartender.
"Sorry, sir," the bartender says, "but I can't accept that."
The man pulls out a ten-dollar bill and the bartender rejects his money
again. "What's going on here?" the man asks.
Pointing to a neon sign, the bartender explains, "This is a Singles Bar."
*** Scripture ***
An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of religious
service when she was startled by an intruder. As she caught the man in the
act of robbing her home of its valuables, she yelled, "Stop - Acts 2:38!"
(..turn from your sin...).
The burglar stopped dead in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police
and explained what she had done.
As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, "Why did
you just stand there? All she did was yell a scripture to you."
"Scripture?" replied the burglar, "She said she had an AXE and two 38's!"
*** The Service ***
Our old friend Gladys attended church services one particular Sunday.
The sermon seemed to go on forever, and many in the congregation fell
asleep.
After the service, to be social, she walked up to a very sleepy looking
gentleman, in an attempt to revive him from his stupor, extended her hand in
greeting, and said, "Hello, I'm Gladys Dunn."
To which the gentleman replied, "You're not the only one!"
*** Dinner ***
The young couple invited their aged parson for Sunday dinner. While they
were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their son what
they were having.
"Goat," the little boy replied.
"Goat?" replied the startled man of the cloth, "Are you sure about that?"
"Yep," said the youngster. "I heard Pa say to Ma, 'Might as well have the
old goat for dinner today as any other day.'"
*** At The Bar ***
A man walks into a bar and says, "Excuse me, I'd like a pint of beer."
The bartender serves the drink and says, "That'll be four dollars." The
customer pulls out a twenty-dollar bill and hands it to the bartender.
"Sorry, sir," the bartender says, "but I can't accept that."
The man pulls out a ten-dollar bill and the bartender rejects his money
again. "What's going on here?" the man asks.
Pointing to a neon sign, the bartender explains, "This is a Singles Bar."
*** Scripture ***
An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of religious
service when she was startled by an intruder. As she caught the man in the
act of robbing her home of its valuables, she yelled, "Stop - Acts 2:38!"
(..turn from your sin...).
The burglar stopped dead in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police
and explained what she had done.
As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, "Why did
you just stand there? All she did was yell a scripture to you."
"Scripture?" replied the burglar, "She said she had an AXE and two 38's!"
Related:
- The ark lands after The Flood. Noah lets all the animals out.
Says, "Go and multiply." Several months pass. Noah... - Edited by Brad Templeton. MAIL, yes MAIL your jokes to watmath!looking!funny .
Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. I... - A black guy and a gorilla go into a bar together. He says to the
bartender,
"I'd like a beer, and a gin and tonic for my girlfriend... - What's the difference between a banjo and a(n)...
Chain Saw:
( 1.) a chain saw has a dynamic range. ( 2.) you can... - The Poles have a saying about how communist governments rewrite history:
"Only the future is certain; the past is always changing"... - Punny
1. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly,
but when they lit a fire in the craft it sank-proving... - RACIAL/ETHNIC
There were these two men drinking together in a bar.
One was of Chinese extraction, the other Jewish. ... - W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<<<
-if you have to ask get out of the way-
Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while... - Church Humor
Over the massive front doors of a church,
these words were inscribed: "The Gate of Heaven"....
From the same category:
- Diary of a Snow Shoveler:
December 8: 6:00 PM. It started to snow.
The first snow of the season and the wife and I took... - A friend of mine, Doug, finally managed to get this girl he liked out on a
date.
They went to a movie. On the way home from the movie... - TWO NUNS AND A BLIND MAN
Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent,
and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is... - What is the difference between roast lamb and pea soup?
Anyone can roast lamb... - 6 O'Clock News
A blonde and a redhead are watching the 6 o'clock news one evening.
The redhead bets the blonde $50 that the man in...
