Facts About Women
** Women love to shop. It is the one area of the world where they feel like
they're actually in control.
** Women especially love a bargain. The question of "need" is irrelevant, so
don't bother pointing it out. Anything on sale is fair game.
** Women never have anything to wear. Don't question the racks of clothes in
the closet; you "just don't understand".
** Women need to cry. And they won't do it alone unless they know you can
** Women will always ask questions that have no right answer, in an effort
to trap you into feeling guilty.
** Women love to talk. Silence intimidates them and they feel a need to fill
it, even if they have nothing to say.
** Women need to feel like there are people worse off than they are. That's
why soap operas and Oprah Winfrey-type shows are so successful.
** Women don't need sex as often as men do. This is because sex is more
physical for men and more emotional for women. Just knowing that the man
wants to have sex with them fulfills the emotional need.
** Women can't keep secrets. They eat away at them from the inside. And they
don't view it as being untrustworthy, providing they only tell two or three
** Women never understand why men love toys. Men understand that they
wouldn't need toys if women had an "on/off" switch.
** Women think all beer is the same.
** Women are paid less than men, except for one field: Modeling.
** Women are never wrong. Apologizing is the man's responsibility, "It's
there in the Bible". Hmmm, who was it that gave Adam the apple?
** Women do not know anything about cars. "Oil- stick, oil doesn't stick?"
** Women have better restrooms. They get the nice chairs and red carpet. Men
just get a large bowl to share.
** The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man
would not be able to identify most of these items.
** A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the
garbage, answer the phone, read a book, or get the mail.
** Women will drive miles out of their way to avoid the possibility of
getting lost using a shortcut.
** PMS stands for: Permissible Man-Slaughter. (Or at least men think it
means that. PMS also stands for Preposterous Mood Swings and Punish My
** The first naked man women see is "Ken".
** Women will make three right-hand turns to avoid making one left-hand
** "Oh, nothing," has an entirely different meaning in woman- language than
it does in man- language.
** All women are overweight by definition; don't agree with them about it.
Women always have 5 pounds to lose, but don't bring this up unless they
really have 5 pounds to gain.
** If it is not Valentines day and you see a man in a flower shop, you can
probably start up a conversation by asking, "What did you do?"
** Only women understand the reason for "guest towels" and the "good china".
** If a man ticks off a woman she will often respond by getting a fuzzy
toilet cover which warms their rear, but makes it impossible for the lid to
stay up thus it constantly gets peed on by the guys. (which gets them in
** Women never check to see if the lid is up. They seem to prefer taking a
flying butt leap towards the bowl and then chewing men out because they
"left the seat up" instead of taking two seconds and lowering it themselves.
** Women don't really care about a sense of humor in a guy despite claims to
the contrary. You don't see women trampling over Tom Cruise to get to
Gilbert Gottfried, do you?
** Women fake orgasm because men fake foreplay.
** Women will spend hours dressing up to go out, and then they'll go out and
spend more time checking out other women. Men can never catch women checking
out other men; women will always catch men checking out other women.
** The most embarrassing thing for women is to find another woman wearing
the same dress at a formal party. You don't hear men say, "Oh-my-GOD,
there's another man wearing a black tux, get me outta here!"
W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l <
-if you have to ask get out of the way-
Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was
writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that
he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the
window, and smash your face into the front fender?...