Aviation Terms For The Uninformed ALTERNATE AIRPORT

HomeShort JokesJokes from Emails

Aviation Terms for The Uninformed
ALTERNATE AIRPORT: The area directly beyond the active runway when the
engine quits on take off
ALTIMETER SETTING: The place where the altimeter sets. Usually hidden by the
control column during a near-minimums instrument approach.
BANK: The folks who hold the mortgage on your aircraft.
BI-PLANE: What you'll say to your bird if flying costs keep going up
CARBURETOR ICE: Phrase used by pilots when explaining accident caused by
fuel exhaustion.
"CLEAR": Warning shouted two seconds after hitting the starter button.
CONTROL TOWER: A small shack on stilts inhabited by government pensioners
who can't hear. When they become blind, they are sent to centers.
CRITICAL ALTITUDE: Minus six feet.
CRITICAL ENGINE: That part of your airplane which used to be under the cowl,
but is now in intensive care at the maintenance shop.
DEAD RECKONING: You reckon correctly, or you are.
DE-ICER: A device designed to operate under all weather conditions, except
ENGINE FAILURE: A condition which occurs when all fuel tanks become filled
with air.
FIREWALL: Section of aircraft especially designed to allow all engine heat
and smoke to fill the cockpit.
GLIDING DISTANCE: One-half of the distance from your present position to the
nearest decent landing area at the time of complete power failure.
GROSS WEIGHT: Maximum permissible take off weight, plus an extra suitcase, a
case of bourbon, rifle, ammo, golf bag, bowling ball, and diving weights.
HOLDING PATTERN: The term applied to the dogfight in progress over any radio
facility serving a terminal airport.
RANGE: Five miles beyond the point where all fuel tanks have become filled
with air.
WALKAROUND: What you do when waiting for weather to clear.
LANDING FLAP: A 4000' roll out on a 3000' runway.