If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong
enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a superman
cape.
It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by
20 foot room
When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh," it's already too late
Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it
A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old
man says they can only do it in the movies
If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes it does not
leak - it explodes
A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq foot house 4
inches deep
Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old
Super glue is forever
McGyver can teach us many things we don't want to know
No matter how much Jello you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on
water
Pool filters do not like Jello
VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do
Always look in the oven before you turn it on
The fire department in San Jose has at least a 5 minute response time
The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy
It will however make cats dizzy
Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy
enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a superman
cape.
It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by
20 foot room
When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh," it's already too late
Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it
A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old
man says they can only do it in the movies
If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes it does not
leak - it explodes
A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq foot house 4
inches deep
Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old
Super glue is forever
McGyver can teach us many things we don't want to know
No matter how much Jello you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on
water
Pool filters do not like Jello
VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do
Always look in the oven before you turn it on
The fire department in San Jose has at least a 5 minute response time
The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy
It will however make cats dizzy
Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy
Related:
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There is no such thing as child-proofing your house.
If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.... - W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l
< -if you have to ask get out of the way- Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the window, and smash your face into the front fender?... - What's the difference between a banjo and a(n)...
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( 1.) a chain saw has a dynamic range. ( 2.) you can turn a chain saw off.... - THE LATEST AND GREATEST AS COMPILED ON 18th October 1991
The Complete Set Of Blonde Jokes (167) -------------------------------------- Revision 3.... - YOU MIGHT BE AN ENGINEER IF...
A team of you and your co-workers have set out to modify the antenna
on the radio in your work area for better reception
All your sentences begin with "what if"
At Christma
it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burnt-out bulb in the string Buying flowers for your girlfriend or spending the money to upgrade your RAM is a moral dilemma Dilbert is your hero Everyone else on the Alaskan cruise is on deck peering at the scenery, and you are still on a personal tour of the engine room In college you thought Spring Break was a metal fatigue failure On vacation, you are reading a computer manual and turning the pages faster than someone else who is reading a John Grisham novel People groan at the party when you pick out the music The blinking 12... - 100 Ways to Confuse Your Roommate
1. Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate
eats meat.
Then leave "Slim Jim" wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach everytime your roommate walks in.... - Top 30 Ways to Simulate Being in the Navy when You're at Home
1.
Lock all friends and family outside. Your only means of communication should be with letters that your neighbours have held for at least three weeks, discarding two of five.... - THE LATEST AND GREATEST AS COMPILED ON 18th October 1991,
The Complete Set Of Blonde Jokes (167)
--------------------------------------
Revision 3.
8 1. Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?... - Things to do When Bored
-Wax the ceiling -Rearrange political campaign signs
-Sharpen your teeth -Play Houdini with one of your siblings
-Braid your dog's hair -Clean and polish your belly button
-Water your dog.
..see if he grows -Wash a tree -Knight yourself -Name your child Edsel -Scare Stephen King -Give your cat a mohawk -Purr -Mow your carpet -Play Pat Boone records backwards -Vacuum your lawn -Whine -Rake your carpet -Re-elect Richard Nixon -Critique "Three's Company" -Listen to a painting -Play with matches -Buff your cat -Race ferrets -Paint your house....
