TOP 118 REASONS WHY IT'S ACCEPTABLE TO DATE A NERD 1) His Shoelaces Are Hardly Ever Untied 2) Doesn't Pick His Nose In Public 3) Has Never Put A Red Shirt In With The Whites 4) Was Not Directly Responsible For The Holocaust 5) When Getting Off An Elevator At A 20+ Story Building

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1) His shoelaces are hardly ever untied
2) Doesn't pick his nose in public
3) Has never put a red shirt in with the whites
4) Was not directly responsible for the Holocaust
5) When getting off an elevator at a 20+ story building, he doesn't
push all the buttons so everyone has to stop at every floor
6) Elvis is dead and Bob Saget is married; who's left?
7) Reads National Geographic, and not just for the nude pictures
of African gorillas
8) His cat seems to like him
9) Hasn't wet his bed for at least two weeks now
10) Has his own 'Captain Kirk' coffee mug
11) Always keeps his printer paper well-stocked
12) Doesn't turn into a werewolf during full moons
13) He hardly ever slurps when drinking soup
14) Knows the capital of Eritrea
15) Always manages to resist the urge to poke sharp objects into his
ear on the first date
16) Is very proficient at whistling the French national anthem
17) Is only mere words away from completing a New York Times crossword
puzzle he began in 1981
18) He is not an alien from another dimension bent on world destruction
19) Played no part in the Cuban Missile Crisis
20) Has never been Captain of, nor been aboard, the Exxon Valdez
21) Very rarely has homicidal tendencies
22) Makes excellent use of his spare time
24) He subscribes to the theory that the world is round
25) He does not make fun of Boutros-Boutros Ghali's name unnecessarily
26) Is mixing up 'dessert' and 'desert' less and less every day
27) He found Waldo
28) Has never passed out on any world leader's front lawn
29) Has never been fired by George Steinbrenner
30) Cried at the end of John Steinbeck's 'Of Mice and Men'
31) Has never found rude shapes in clouds
32) Tries not to giggle when he cuts one
33) Has never blatantly misused a blender
34) Rarely blacks out for more than a few seconds
35) Makes a real effort not to spit when he talks
36) Owns the Led Zeppelin box set and makes copies for his friends
37) Doesn't scrape his vegetables onto his grandmother's plate when
no one is looking
38) Wears male undergarments (not G-strings)
39) Has never been struck by lightning while simultaneously being hit
by a falling meteorite
40) Is an accomplished TV-watcher
41) Has never been involved in the shipment of plutonium to Germany
42) Has never opened fire on an innocent group of unarmed people
43) Did not mastermind Julius Caeser's death; that was Cassius
44) Owns issues 1-34 of Starman comics in near mint condition
45) Has Patrick Roy's autograph
46) Had no trouble committing his phone number to memory
47) Regularly gets the high score on "Super Mario Bros."
48) Rarely stares directly at the sun
49) Has never dumped in his pants while sliding into 2nd base
50) Has never broken into a bear's home and eaten all his porridge
51) Has never given the bird to a lady over age 60
52) So far, has never resorted to cannibalism
53) Has never exploited the tradition of mistletoe to kiss his aunt
54) Never stares at someone's wart for more than 2-3 minutes
55) Never caused a traffic accident because he was fixing his makeup
56) Has no communicable diseases
57) No tyrannical system of government is named after him
58) Has no plans to ever give the Pope a wedgie
59) Was completely uninvolved in the trade that sent Doug Gilmour away
for Gary Leeman
60) Never rings doorbells and then runs away before they are answered
61) Hard as it may be to believe, he has never lost a pole vault
62) Never forgets his bug spray when going out into the woods
63) Has never pulled the football away from Charlie Brown
64) Very rarely ties cans to a cat's tail
65) Hardly ever referred to as 'infernal'
66) Has never suffered from lockjaw
67) Recognizes Xenon as a noble gas
68) Excellent at compiling purposeless lists
69) Would give up his appendix for the right woman
70) Great with kids; even better with roast beef
71) Holds the record for the highest spot on the cafeteria wall he got
his cheese to stick to in grade six.
72) Has never hit a silver-medalist in the knee with a club
73) Part he played in the bombing of Hiroshima is largely exaggerated
74) Has never gambled away a girlfriend in Las Vegas, as well as many
other places in the world
75) Has managed so far not to decapitate himself
76) Gets fewer and fewer 'ice-cream headaches'
77) Wouldn't smoke nor drink while pregnant
78) Has always managed to avoid being a victim of a 'piledriver'
79) Has never locked himself in a car
80) Has never played a mean trick on Smokey the Bear
81) Does not use cruel mouse traps
82) Has never let Frank Sinatra down
83) Contrary to popular belief, does not comb his hair with a fork
84) Has never attempted to dance naked in a Jerry Lewis Telethon
85) Very rarely has delusions of God
86) Never placed a bet with Pete Rose
87) It's been over a year since he last got his neck tangled in a
telephone cord
88) Can sing "Frere Jacques" much better than Jean-Luc Picard
89) Rarely eats paste between meals
90) Is not the ominous voice in Mortal Kombat which says 'FINISH HIM!'
just before a fatality
91) Usually remembers to take the shell off of an egg before eating it
92) Tied Jose Canseco in home runs last week
93) Was nowhere near the grassy knoll November 3rd, 1963
94) Often resists the powerful temptation to shave rude swear words
in his hair
95) And when he just can't resist, it's usually shaved somewhere
where you can't see it
96) Has managed to overcome a long-lasting desire to clean toasters
in a bathtub
97) At Speedy, he's a somebody
98) At a touch of a button, can have a pizza delivered to him
personally in under 30 minutes
99) Unlike Vincent Van Gogh, would not chop off his ear for a girl
100) Enjoys better table manners than John Belushi
101) Is (marginally) more popular with feminists than Rush Limbaugh
102) If it came right down to it, he could beat the pants off of Steven
Hawking in a fair fight
103) Would never forget to clean the microwave after having placed a
small rodent inside
104) The rumors of his involvement in the Chernobyl crisis are mostly
105) No longer bears a grudge against Santa Claus for failing to deliver
an automatic rifle in Christmas of '80
106) It is increasingly rare that he makes obscene phone calls to Bea
107) Come on, he's not *that* much of an eyesore!
108) Not fooled when given poisoned candy on Halloween from his mother
109) Refuses to play 'let's hide grandma's teeth'
110) Can be easily entertained for hours with simple, one-piece toys
111) The sources which publicized his involvement in the Iran-Contra
scandal were unreliable
112) As of yet, has never overlooked the importance of regular,
continuous breathing
113) There is a refreshing absence of monsters under his bed these days
114) Has never smuggled tinker toys onto an international flight
115) Never pees in someone else's sink
116) His picking a fight with an inanimate object is quite uncommon
117) Is heterosexual, unmarried and has a pulse
118) Give me 118 reasons why she shouldn't