13> "Organ grinding" no longer refers to Presidential proclivities.
12> First President in diapers since the Reagan years.
11> Shiny red ass could be blamed on heredity instead of a wild
night at the Little Rock Holiday Inn with a hooker named Wanda.
10> Pauly Shore receives the Presidential Achievement Medal in the
Arts.
9> N.R.A. banquet ends badly with Charlton Heston shouting, "Get
your filthy paws off me, you damn dirty ape!"
8> Four opposable thumbs allow for Chinese bribe-taking at twice
the speed of current administration.
7> New Director of the FBI: Lancelot Link, Secret Chimp.
6> State of the Union address reduced to three minutes of
dung-tossing and chest thumping instead of ninety minutes of
dung-tossing and chest thumping.
5> President's IQ now only 10 points higher than Rush Limbaugh's.
4> To deflect attention from recent scandal, President appears on
Tonight Show riding a unicycle.
3> "No, Ms. Embry, you can't spend the night in the Lincoln
bedroom again!"
2> During press conferences, the President eats lice from Sam
Donaldson's toupee.
and the Number 1 Difference if the President Were a Monkey...
1> On executive decisions: Silly-assed toothy grin means "yes",
loud raspberry means "no".
This list copyright 1997 by Chris White and Ziff Davis, Inc.
The Top Five List top5@walrus.com http://www.topfive.com
