Related:

• It's a hundred and six miles to Chicago, we've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses.
  "Hit it....
• EEKING OUT A LIVING IN RADIOACTIVE SHOES Come now, don’t any of you baby boomers remember having your childhood feet x-rayed at the shoe store?
  It was right about the time we were being stuffed with megadoses of penicillin no matter what the wheezy etiology, and ducking for cover under one-armed elementary school desks in mock nuclear bomb attacks....
• For all those Tool-Time enthusiasts..... HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of wa
  he hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive car parts not far from the object we are trying to hit....
• Heard on Rush Limbaugh(sp?): Q: What's the difference between Elvis and Jim Wright?
  A: Everyone knows Wright is dead... This is a paradoy ad that appeared in the Chicago Reader....
• 1999 DARWIN AWARDS Yes, folks, it's time again for the 1999 Darwin Awards.
  For those sheltered few of you who are not fully aware of the Darwin Award...
• cars and driving --- For a while I didn't have a car.
  .. I had a helicopter... no place to park it, so I just tied it to a lamp post and left it running....
• From Dennis Miller's Saturday Night News on Saturday Night Live 10/8/88
  We should have a Vollyballocracy. We elect a six-pack of presidents....
• When I was in a six person suite of rooms, one of my room mates was a witch, and by coincidence, another room mate had a key to his room.
  One night the witch room mate returned to find that all six calendars in his room were set to October, and there was a pentagram of pencils on his desk....
• Stupid People... Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say, "I'm Stupid".
  That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You wouldn't ask them anything....