From firstname.lastname@example.org Mon Jan 30 05:30:04 1989
From: email@example.com (John Palmer)
Subject: The PLO
Keywords: original, smirk
Date: 30 Jan 89 11:30:04 GMT
I have been subjected to the biases and special pleadings of the
artsy-fartsy culture vultures long enough. They sneer at anything which isn't
in their own mold (mould?) of avante-gardishness. They perpetuate stupid jokes
by laughing at people who quite seriously say, "I may not know much about....
but I know what I like."
It is time for the rest of us to revolt against this claptrap of
self-indulgent behaviour which passes itself off as "the actualization of
one's self potential," and which somehow has unfortunately [in Canuckland,
at least] bedeviled enough politicians that fully 65.7% of our tax dollars
go to supporting these alleged artistes through direct grants and purchases
of junk that any sensible person would pay someone else to haul off to the
municipal landfill site. It is time for a new organization to be formed
to aid this revolution. To that end, I hereby announce the formation of
The Philistine Liberation Organization welcomes as new members
anyone who supports this cause. The basic tenets of the PLO are divided
into two general categories: things we like and things we don't like. An
overall score of 80% qualifies you for membership.
Things we like:
1. Montovani's music - great stuff, easy listening.
2. McDonald's burgers - great taste, fast service, ok price.
3. Vinyl instead of leather for gloves, clothing, upholstery, etc.
- cheaper, requires less care, more durable.
4. Canadian wine - good high for the buck.
5. Shopping at K-mart - hey, they got some good stuff there, ya know.
6. Commodore 64s - good games and they're real computers, too.
7. Shopping Mall landscape art - ain't it amazing how real that stuff looks.
8. Barry Manilow's songs - they capture the true meaning of life.
9. Hockey Night in Canada, Monday Night ____ball, etc. - great entertainment.
10. "If I have to go to a 'concert', I hope they play some marches - you
know, something I can hum along with and tap my feet to."
Things we don't like:
1. Real flowers - they wilt and need care - plastic's much better.
2. BMW's, Mercedes, etc. - I'll take an Econoline any day.
3. Gourmet food - so little food, such bad tastes, such high prices!
4. 100% wool or cotton - they require too much and too costly care - give me
polyester or acrylic any day.
5. Symphony orchestra concerts - especially playing 20th century music.
6. Real wood furniture - vinyl laminate is easier to care for and harder
7. Birkenstock Sandals - footware of the truly effete snobs.
8. "Serious" drama - hey, for $25 it had better make me laugh a lot.
9. Pictures that aren't pictures of anything.
10. "Cocktail" parties that serve only Perrier and vegetables.
Want to join the P.L.O.? ok, you're probably already a member then.
Want to add to the tenets? E-mail your suggestions to me, and I'll keep a
W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l <
-if you have to ask get out of the way-
Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was
writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that
he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the
window, and smash your face into the front fender?...