There was this American tourist in Mexico, and he was getting tired
of walking around, so he went up to a donkey rental place and said,
''Can I rent a donkey?'
The guy said, "We don't call them donkeys here, we call them asses.
This is the only ass I have left, and you have to scratch him when you
want to make him stop."
The guy rides his ass for a while, sees a hotdog stand, and asks for a
hotdog. The vendor replies, "We don't call them hotdogs here we call
Meanwhile his donkey is wandering away, so he goes up to another
tourist and says "Will you hold my wiener whille I scratch my ass?"
Two Americans decide to open a bungee-jumping business in Mexico.
They set up on the square of a small village. Bob jumps, bounces at
the end of the cord, and flies back up by the platform. Jeff isn't
able to catch his friend, but he notices he has a few cuts and
Bob falls again, bounces, and comes back up. This time, he is bruised
and bleeding. Again, Jeff misses him. The third time it happens, Bob
comes back pretty messed up - he's got a couple of broken bones and is
almost unconscious. Luckily, Jeff finally catches him and says, "Holy
cow, what happened? Was the cord too long?"
Bob looks confused and says, "No, the cord was fine... but what the
heck is a pinata?"
An infamous killer is on death row.
He is allowed one last meal an hour before he dies.
So the guy asks if he can have his favorite food. He wants Mexican.
The guards give him what he wants.
An hour goes by and it is time for his death.
One guard asks if he had any last words.
The guy replies, "Yeah...pull my finger."
Q: What's the slowest thing in the world?
A: A Mexican funeral with only two sets of jumper cables.
A White man explaining to a Mexican man says that there are three
words the Mexican needs to know in order to be all right in the city:
The White man says these words are: green, pink, and yellow. Then the
White man says ''Now tell me a sentence using all three words.'' The
Mexican says ''I hear de telephona ah greena greena, I pink up de
phona and say ah yellow?"
A couple go to Mexico City for vacation and go to a famous local
restaurant. They ask the waiter's opinion about what to order, and he
tells them they have a special each Sunday that's wonderful, so the
couple orders that.
With great fanfare, the waiter brings out a large silver serving
platter with two huge steaming rounds of meat, juices dripping; it
smells delicious and tastes even better.
The couple are delighted with their meal and ask the waiter just
what the fabulous meat dish was. "Senor," he explains, "each Saturday
night, we have the bullfights, and that was the bull's balls you ate.
The couple are a bit taken aback by what they had just eaten, but
it was delicious, so they get over it.
Six months later, the couple returns back in Mexico City and
decide to go to the same same restaurant. Feeling adventuresome, they
order the same dish.
Once again, with great fanfare, the waiter brings out the huge
silver serving dish and places it on the table. But this time there
are two tiny pieces of meat, barely enough for one.
The man says, "excuse me, but the last time we were here and
ordered this dish, it was huge, more than enough for two. Why is this
one so small?"
The waiter smiles and replies, " Well you see, senor, sometimes
the bull wins!"
Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He's got two
large bags over his shoulders.
The guard stops him and says, "What's in the bags?" "Sand," answered
The guard says, "We'll just see about that get off the bike." The
guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and
finds nothing in them but sand.
He detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover
that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. The guard releases
Juan, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the man's
shoulders, and lets him cross the border. A week later, the same thing
happens. The guard asks, "What have you got?" "Sand," says Juan. The
guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags
contain nothing but sand.He gives the sand back to Juan, and Juan
crosses the border on his bicycle. This sequence of events if repeated
every day for three years. Finally, Juan doesn't show up one day and
the guard meets him in a Cantina in Mexico. "Hey, Buddy," says the
guard, "I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me crazy.
It's all I think about..... I can't sleep. Just between you and me,
what are you smuggling?" Juan sips his beer and says, "Bicycles."
A Mexican walks into a bakery and asks, "Excuse me, may I have a
bum, please?" The baker laughs and says, "Oh, you must mean a bun,
sure, here you go." The Mexican next goes to the hardware store. He
asks the clerk, "Excuse me, can I get a fucket here?" The clerk laughs
and says, "Oh, you must mean a bucket. Of course!" The Mexican then
goes to a pet shop. He asks the manager, "May i have a
Cockandspankit?" The manager laughs and says. "I think i misunderstood
you, you must mean a Cockerspaniel. On his way home, the Mexican loses
the leash on his dog. The Mexican frantically runs after it and yells
at a woman and asks, "Can you please hold my bum and fuck it, while I
go get my cock and spank it?"
What do you get when you cross and Chinese and a Mexican man?
A car thief who can't drive!
Q. What did the Mexican firefighter name his two sons?
A. Hose A and Hose B
What did the Mexican say when the house fell on him?
Get off me homes.