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• You know, it's funny, Smithers. I tried every tincture and poultice and tonic and patent medicine there is, and all I really needed was the blood of a young boy.
  -- Mr. Burns is full of energy after his transfusion, "Blood Feud...
• creen: "Second season"] Homer: [disguising his voice] Hello, my name is Mr.
  Burns. I believe you have a letter for me....
• Marge: Homer, you don't do things like that to be rewarded.
  You do them because a fellow human being needs a helping hand....
• Homer: [trying to disguise his voice] Hello, my name is Mr.
  Burns. I believe you have a letter for me. Postal Clerk...
• Lisa: [breathlessly] Mom, Dad: Mr. Burns is a vampire, and he has Bart!
  Burns: Why, Bart is right here. Bart: [droning] Hello, Mother....
• Burns: Oh, top of the morning to ye! Why, look who's here!
  It's ... good old... You! Man: Hi, Mr. Burns....
• Mr. Roman: First question. Have you slept with anyone famous?
  Burns: Well, Countess von Zeppelin and I... [catches himself] What in blazes!...
• Homer: Marge, Lisa, Maggie, let's do this out in the yard where the neighbors can see.
  Lisa, dim the lights. No, turn on more lights....
• Lisa: And...action! Bart: Hello, I'm Bart Simpson.
  In the past, I've bought you such classic films as "Homer in the Shower" and "Homer on the Toilet"....