Related:

• I think my wife may be getting somewhat overweight.
  "Oh, how can you tell?" "Well, last night when she sat on my face, I couldn't hear the stereo....
• I can tell you're really upset about this, Dave; I really think you should sit down, take a stress pill, and think about it.
  -- HAL 9000...
• Q: How many elephants can you fit in a VW Bug? A: Four.
  Two in the front, two in the back. Q: How can you tell if an elephant is in your refrigerator?...
• I can tell where my own shoe pinches me; and you must not think, sir, to catch old birds with chaff.
  -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616) -- Don Quixote, Part i, Book iv, Chap. v...
• How can I tell you I love you when you're sitting on my face?
• Q: How can you tell if an elephant is having an affair with your wife?
  A: You have to wait 22 months....
• Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? A:His lips are moving.
• Q: How can you tell when a WASP is sexually aroused? A: By the stiff upper lip.