Related:

• OPERA, n. A play representing life in another world, whose inhabitants have no speech but song, no motions but gestures and no postures but attitudes.
  All acting is simulation, and the word _simulation_ is from _simia_, an ape...
• Rush Limbaugh is just another misguided manure salesman.
• A Southern boy graduates from high school heads north to college, taking the family dog, Old Blue with him, for company.
  He's only been there a few weeks when he gets a call from his girlfriend...
• Ned: I don't like the service at the post office. You know, it's all "rush rush!
  get'cha in, get'cha out!" Then they've got those machines in the lobby, they're even faster, no help there....
• A man was griping to his friend about how he hated to go home after a late card games.
  "You wouldn't believe what I go through to avoid waking my wife," he said....
• I was raised by just my mom. See, my father died when I was eight years old.
  At least, that's what he told us in the letter. -- Drew Carey...
• Jacques: First, you must get to know your lane. Feel the slickness, feel the slippery finish.
  Caresses it, experience it. Quite smooth, isn't it?...
• Homer: [ruefully] I'd sell my soul for a donut. [The devil appears, looking like Flanders] Flande
  Heh heh, that can be arranged. Homer: What -- Flanders!...
• The wisest man is generally he who thinks himself the least so. -- Boileau